Beauty Behind Bars
"Autumn Falls" By: Adam Monroe
September rain cascading down the autumn leaves,
It's beauty surpassing all else in the world,
Cold and wet to the touch of the changing trees,
Unlike the warm lingering caress of a beautiful girl,
I wait for the day I can witness such perfection,
The curves much like a rain drop as it falls,
Flawless as it drops, having no need of correction,
Slowly raising my spirits, as my love quickly falls,
The rain beads together forming small mirrors,
Reflecting the Heavens as I gaze upon it unending,
Coursing down my face, the all too familiar tears,
To my every worry and fear time's forever mending,
The picture is perfect on this damp autumnal day,
As I stare out my window, no longer with disdain,
I then bow my head and I begin to pray,
In the warmth I have found in this September rain.
Justa Little Bit More Time:
ta little bit more time, that's all I'm asking for!
I've wasted soo much of my life, so I need just a bit more!
Justa little bit more time with my true friends to make better memories.
Because I spent all my time angry, worrying about my frienemies.
Justa a little bit more time, to make up for all the time I wasted being mad.
When all the while what I should have just been doing is enjoying what I had.
Just a little bit more time!!! I shout aloud and scream!!!
To not live in the past, and instead live out my dream.
Justa a little bit more time, to fight for the love I lost.
When I gave my time to useless things, and paid a heavy cost.
Justa little bit more time, to spend with you and our family.
To enjoy laughter and love, on a picnic under a tree.
Justa little bit more time, I've got some ideas I need to try.
No sooner than I speak those words, those ideas are saying goodbye.
Justa little bit more time, I asked as I watched life pass me by.
Yet my time is up now, and all I can do is cry.
"You're beautiful"
Has anybody told you that you're beautiful
you might agree
if you could see what I constantly see
the way you made me smile the day we met
has anybody told you that you're not enough
hearing that can always be rough
I've got things to say
but was unsure of the right way
you're amazing
you have so much to offer
you melt my heart you make my shell softer
has anybody told you that you're beautiful
you make my mind flow
you make my heart grow
my feelings have changed
I'm not fighting them anymore
has anybody told you that you're beautiful
you are beautiful
if only you could see what I see.
Joshua williams
"Cries Never Forgotten" By: Kris S. Howe
Here I was lost and broken holding things deep within.
Bound by sin, confused and angered it seemed as if I could not win.
Though I sought with all my mind. His path I could not find.
It did not matter how hard I tried. I was troubled down inside.
He brought me to my feet, in his presence I did meet. The glory that he showed me of his death on Calvary.
Tears fell from my eyes, as I fell to my knees. The Lord heard my cries and set my soul at ease.
The chains have been brokened delivered by his blood.
These words he has spoken passes through my soul like a flood.
Cleanse me Lord I pray in you my hope will stay
Give me the victory for all the world to see.
"Redemption in the Pain"
Verse: By time we grow up its like were numb to the pain, your not allowed to cry you got to hold on to the shame, my family taught me wrong they didn't know any better, there just doing what they know, not knowing who God was, I mean God is, I'm talking the one from up above, the one who sent his Son out the abundance of love, when I'm weak I am strong, when I'm lonely I belong, I'm showing you how much I love you by putting it into a song.
Chorus: Redemption in the Pain ohh ohh, Healing in the Rain Yeah yeah,
The sun will come again, the clouds will roll away, no more darkness, lead us to a better day
Verse: I came straight up out the gutter no wonder they tried to pull me back, motivation and determination is 2 things that I never lacked, best friends who have gave up on me, family who had turned there back, threw me to the wolves, left me in the cold and didn't ask me, are you ok bro? are you alright? Your not looking very well are you gonna survive the night? I don't know if I'm gonna make it but I know that I'm gonna try! Take long look in the mirror, stare the man right in his eyes, and tell him. Bless what's up with all the aggression? How did you get so good? Look at the time I invested! Man humble yourself drop down to your knees this is the Lords house you can't do what you please. And salvation lies in you, God I speak this to you, everything has been erased what's your child to do? Call it surrender, call it fate, call it prison, call it gates, call it soul, call it self, while everything still fades away.
Chorus: Redemption in the Pain ohh ohh, healing in the rain yeah yeah, the sun will come again, the clouds will roll away, no more darkness, lead us to a better day
Verse: Here I go I'm letting go, watch the episode unfold, being judged by everyone but only God knows my soul, there has got to be a better way, thanking about eternity I know there's better days Robby Brimmer
"The Birth of Betrayal" By Adam Monroe
As time and time again these words seem to set in,
The great abyss of loathing grows never ending,
For you have loved and lost and lived and lost again,
Through these words and actions your pain in transcending,
You sort through the enigma of emotions in search of myself,
A word that would personify this new emotion,
Such as this word that is now feared in itself,
My meaning is opposite that of love and devotion,
For I will help to kill, destroy, and deceive. I rejoice!
Yet, I am no crook,
I will bring down legions and turn brother against brother,
Yet, I am no king,
I'll have ravaged souls and torn hearts to pieces without a voice,
Yet, I am no god,
So who am I that I can wreak such havoc without consequence?
That I can turn the brave into the weak, the weak into the dead?
For I do not live and breathe among men as you do, in a sense,
But rather, I live and thrive on wicked thoughts inside your head,
What you try to make of me is irrelevant, for I am always evil,
I am the epitome of the worst revenge and what it entails,
I am Hatred, I am Heartbreak, I am Deceit and Vengeance,
For those who don't know me, I am Betrayal!
Joaquin Balassa
1st) My friend/ just give your life to Christ/ don't waste time or think twice/ leave all that darkness and come to the light/ you were born into a losing fight/ everything we had was lost/ until victory was nailed to a cross/ Jesus was pierced for our sins/ so we could spend eternity with Him/ can you grasp what He did/ now I ask, what are you willing to give/ so Lord arrest this heart within my chest/against the flesh we must contest/ our sin we must detest/ no longer living as the rest/ I pray every heart will feel/ and understand that the battle is real/ so let His every word be our meal/ the evil one seeks to k i l l / but he lost on Calvary Hill/ flee from the dark God has set us apart/ no longer are we slaves/ but the ones bringing change/ and from this day, nothing will be the same!/ altogether now, let's praise His name/ Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! / Forever you reign/ Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! / forever you reign.
2nd) Everyday I'm reminded/ how prone we are to violence/ but thanks to Christ/ I'm more prone to silence/ when trapped in the midst of the mindless/ who only walk in blindness/ seeking to rob me of my kindness/ and take advantage of the one who sits upon the Highest/ you may not buy this/ but its not about your two cent/ but all about who the Father sent/ His truth you could never circumvent/ Jesus, your precious blood ran red/ cuz in our sins we were d e a d / but you took our problems and made em correct/ thank you God for you are the head/ the only one I pray to before bed/ Lord help me to obey every word you said/ that no matter the path I tread/ you will be pleased at the end/ when at times from every angle/ my soul looks beyond mangled/ please Lord send me an Angel/ to deliver me from the cliffs edge from which I dangle/ and set my feet upon the ground untangled/ in the depths of my heart/ love and pain is the mixture/ so let your scripture be a fixture/ that when I close my eyes/ all I ever see is your picture/ and if it isn't your word/ apply the coal till my lips hurt/ I never want to be cold blooded like a lizard/ Godzilla/ thank you Jesus for washing me whiter than vanilla/ Holy Spirit can I get a fill up/ tighten down these loose screws like a Phillips/ form me stronger through the build up/ cuz I know every trials meant to make my will tough/ when climbing this hill gets rough/ Lord you'll carry me when I think I've had enough.
In march 2015, I was in Ft. Henning, GA for my basic training (Army). I was standing outside the "temple" after services concluded on a Sunday afternoon, talking to some friends. We were interpreted by a deafening sound, like a cross between a high pitched grinding and the rending of metal. From where I was standing, about fifty feet in front of us was the access road going from my left to my right. To the left was nothing but a mile of road and trees. To the right was another mile and a half of road and trees, but there was a turn-off about a quarter mile down on the right. I sprinted down to the turn-off as I was not meant to be leaving the are in which I was standing. Upon arriving at the turning point, I found a six-by (a troop carrier designed to transport twelve, but was being used to transport 73 recruits) on its side, and a long streak of blood trailing it. The excess weight from trying to carry 73 guys caused the truck to tip after turning onto a downhill slope. I witnessed men with arms severed at the elbow, men missing hands or all their fingers, even one with a broken back. I ran back and alerted the first person I seen, asking them to call for help, then ran back to help. I pulled anyone I could out, making sure they weren't injured, then set them to helping those who were. We pulled nearly 24 men with severe injuries out that day.
I remember thinking to myself "don't die on me, don't die on me", over and over. I was horrified at the sight I had seen. So many men, good men, having been so cruelly injured in just mere seconds. They lost their entire career, they lost proper function of limbs, one may have lost his ability to walk again, all because of a negligent Sergeant. One decision had cost so much pain and suffering. After helping everyone I could, pulling the injured free, tying off multiple bandages, I broke down. That day, I actually cried from what I had seen. The only thing I have suffered from this event was PTSD. An issue I battle even today.
I tried to follow up on this story while I was still enlisted, checking every paper for weeks on end, but the Army seems to have covered the tragedy up, likely to protect their public interest. I only know that the Sergeant involved had been stripped of his rank, stripped of his pay, and barred from interacting with new recruits. That was the last bit of information I heard involving the incident.
"Blessings"
I never had it all,
I could look around at other kids,
they were happy, they had it all.
counting all their blessings.
when I counted, I got only one,
my sister was all I had.
I was the ugly duckling,
bullied, teased, and abused,
only feeling lost and used.
going to school felt like going to hell,
only waiting to hear that final bell.
releasing me from the frying pan,
to go home, to go into the oven.
I'd hide in my room and play my game,
create an avatar and be a different name.
look out my window each and every day,
hoping for something better, a different way.
it never showed, it never came,
all the hurt engulfing me in a flame.
burns to the touch, burns to my core,
begging it to stop, begging for no more.
I'm sitting here counting my blessings,
and now it feels like I'm down to zero.
there was my sister, but not anymore.
I'm here alone and I wonder what for.
but I'm still counting myself as one.
I am my own blessing I am my own beliefs.
to think this, is such a relief.
so, count your blessings each and every day.
there really is no other way
written on December 21st, 2017 by josh williams
"I'm losing myself"
forgotten \\
I've come to a rocky patch,
someone help me close the hatch.
don't let the rain fall down on me,
all this pain I can't be free.
I'm losing control, I'm losing my mind,
why can't I leave this behind.
sunny skies have turned to gray,
constantly looking to the next day.
life isn't all that good and it's not that great,
all this pain is just added weight.
its not all cookies and cream,
I just want to shout and scream.
I'm losing myself.
I'm coming undone I've become unraveled,
why people bother me and I am hassled.
everything seems impossible,
who's to blame? who's responsible?
me? them? who knows?
all this pain, it always shows.
I'm losing myself.
the pieces are falling apart,
the puzzle is coming undone.
I'm losing myself.
what's next on this road called life?
will I be alone or find a wife?
I can't see any good to come,
it feels like I'm just what I've become.
I'm still losing myself,
each and every day,
there's got to be a better way.
help me, I'm not myself.
help me, because I'm losing myself.
written by josh Williams on 7-25-2022
The Rose:
"July first was the day I found that rose in the earth,
It had an aroma that demanded value and worth.
Physically it was without blemish, truly blessed from its birth,
However, once I looked deeper, it was clearly and carefully cursed.
Botanical life stretched through a crack of cement, secluded from its brothers,
It never knew its kind that shared familiar textures and colors.
Without apparent reason it was condemned like a hopeless lover,
Never to experience the gentle solace of another.
Yes, a seed with an ultimatum, whither or find a way to survive,
Instead of giving up, persistent petals pushed high and alive.
The rose contented with the world, rewriting a story cast into the dark,
With a faith so strong, it ripped the sidewalk apart!
The tale of that rose was an unexpected encounter,
It proves the impossible can't even stop the will of a flower.
Abandoned and alone, it prevailed through the unknown,
The power of faith can be seen in this rose that stands tall on its own.
July first, I witnessed the testimony of the earth,
Now a one-of-a-kind challenge remains in my mind:
Do I settle with my destiny, or make my own path align?" Alberto tello
The Dark Jungle
Stumbling through life's dark jungle
hurting inside my spirit may crumble
burned bridges collapsing
family tired of me relapsing
all alone in this concrete jungle
cesspool of darkness my inner light starts to crumble
fading away untill there's nothing left
no hope only anger and sadness that leaves me bereft
my thoughts fly around like a angry bee
why don't they let me be
trying to make peace with my inner demons
hunting my soul like its open season
torments from the past
hammering my mind until at last
I try to be calm and meditate
sometimes it works and I spiritually levitate
past my worldly pains
onto the soul train
on the straight and narrow pathway
to talk to god I may
fall on my knees and pray
open my heart to burn away the darkness
come Jesus my spirit hearkens
forgive me of my many sins
demons flee god always wins
now I survived another day
I see I can do this gods way
so daily I battle with my inner self
forcing sunshine on my mind when there is none left
I have learned that I must stay humble
every day while stumbling through life's dark jungle
Rodney Lowery
Flowers On His Grave by: Nathan Goeser
Every year my mom and I
Visit where our honored dead stay
Because my father lives there
Its where he chose to lay
We're not sad, we say aloud
"We love you, we're so proud."
I am so glad for every year we came
Cuz I got to hear my dad say my name.
First, he said, "Brady, I'm sorry I'm not
Going to be there to teach you a lot.
But every year if you come listen here
I'll tell you what you should learn
Until one day you begin to yearn
To share with your son or daughter
What it means to live like their father."
The next year and every year after he said,
"Make sure you say your prayers before bed."
"Before you can be the hero,
You've got to be able to count up from zero."
"Son, do your chores.
Always be nice and open doors."
"Listen up my little tike
And I'll tell you how to ride a bike."
"Tell the truth, never lie.
You'd only make your mom cry."
"Find you a best friend.
Someone you can trust til the end."
"Be slow to act. Use your mind.
Be strong and never not kind."
"Let me tell you whats, what.
As the saying goes, listen to your gut."
"Be wary of what is done at night,
So always do your business in the light."
"Sometimes you will feel fear.
Hold it... But don't let it near."
"WOW! You got a car.
WHAT! Your now a football star!"
"If you think your ready Brady
I'll tell you how to talk to a lady."
I don't know what he'll say this year
But as we reach his plot, I lean near
And say, " I'm joining the army dad.
Please don't worry about me. Be glad."
As I place the flowers on his grave
He simply says, " Be brave my son. Be brave."
OK let's pick a topic, I'ma decide if it worth the time to stimulate my mind, if not drop it.
Setting here in jumpsuits without pockets praying that I make it to the gate the date they unlock it.
I'm tired of providing false promises and fake hope, without God's plan in this godless land, its back to the dope and that slippery slope.
I've been pondering, was it all for nothing? And I've decided every choice was for something.
I can't set here lie, it wasn't all bad. there were a lot more greater times then sad
I've done a lil and learned a lot, literally slept in gutters and set on the top. I hit rock bottom in a 9x5 and realized something's had to stop.
Thought I was head strong, now I know it was all wrong, for to long stuck in a box, without the soothing sounds of a tic tok.
One pace two pace turn see sheet, frustration from failures cause self defeat, suicidal thoughts on repeat.
Point to the vain thinking dam this is insane, all I remember is crying my oldest son's name.
Eye's full of tears, thinking who cares in this land filled with wolfs and bears.
And now I know what I know, and I'm going to go when God wants me to go.
He filled my heart with faith, hope, and love. Above all love. Glory to our savoir for he showed me favor.
He gave me light light in thee dead of the night, renewed my mind with a new reasons to fight. Thank you father in you I will delight.
Jeffrey hall
Oliver story of war
Dear God there's a lot of questions that I have about the past, and I don't wanna hear it from a human, you made it so your the last person that I'm gonna ask, tell me what's real tell me what's fake, why is everything about you a debate, what's the point of love, every time I showed that I was broken an this forced me to only want to hate, why is there only one you but multiple religions, why does every conversation end in division, why does everybody wanna tell us how to live but they won't listen to the same message that there given, tell me how to feel tell me what's wrong, I tried to call pick up the phone, I'm on my own, everybody says your coming back man then why the hell is it taking so long, why do I hurt, why is there pain, why does every thing good always have to change, why does everybody try to profit off of another man work then destroy it for monetary gain, tell me are you black or are you white, I don't even really care, I just really wanna know what's right they been saying one thing but I been looking in the book, and it seems like they been lying my whole life, tell me where I'm going is it heaven or hell? I just hope this message greets you well, had a dream that I was walking with devil don't remember how it feels, but I swear that i remember the smell, looked me right into my eye, and told me everything that I wanted could be mine if I gave up and decided to sell, but I said I'd rather die then get mine now I'm here no fear one man with a story to tell. Robby Brimmer
His Mercy: Written after my accident and rescue by JB
Looking at this mountain;
these hills that I must climb:
His purpose is before me,
His will is also mine.
Step by step I falter,
humbled by the meekness;
His confidence before me,
His strength is in my weekness.
The battle of decent;
although downward I go forth:
My body tumbles southward,
as my spirit's soaring North.
Conquering the fear;
peace within the fall:
trumpets sound before me,
as I answer to the call.
Beaten, broken,weary;
Dazed I cannot stand.
Letting go I let God,
my life is in His hands.
A little higher than the angels
made to worship at the throne,
His blood is coursing through me;
in my heart He's made His home.
A whisper in the wind:
"Be cast into the sea"
The only Rock that can't be moved
is here to rescue me.
"FIGHTERS" - written by Josh Williams 2-2-2023
we have heard the thunder
we have braved the storm
dark clouds still looming
over our heads they stay
but look, look to the horizon
the clouds part and there's the sun
there is a brighter day
we just have to find the way
there are no bad endings
only new beginnings
they're just small bumps in the road
bridges to cross, hills to climb
but together we can beat them all
we are fighters, you and I
we are not different, we are the same
all these problems are just part of the game
together makes us stronger
let's prepare for a better day
because there's no other way
you lean on me and I lean on you
do this, and nothing can break through
they can't break us down
we've been tattered we've been torn
but in this fight together we will survive
why?
well, because we're fighters, you and I.
A Lover of Birds - Scott Wolf , IN
Lover, there will be another one,
Who will hover over you under the sun
Tomorrow see the things that never come
Today, when you fly away, without you my
Feather's fall around me, and show the way
To go, the view it's over, it's over Nestled in your wings,
This little one is special, her colors are bright
Through and through, accross a sky so blue!
"His love goes from me to you"!!!!!
LIFE - by Jessica
I have been given life.
Life is death.
Oh my, I have just lost my breath!
This I can't even swallow.
Where has all of my blood gone?
I now feel so hollow.
Dwelling on this sentence all I can do is cry.
Is this where I am really going to die?
What more do I really have to lose?
No! This can't be the end for me. I REFUSE!
Kicking and screaming, I have to be dreaming.
A nightmare, I just want to wake up.
This rollercoaster ride that I just want to get off.
I can't hit rewind, all I can do is open my heart and my mind.
It's all about my choices and I have made enough mistakes.
I am surrendering my all and giving it all that it takes.
Things will change in my favor because God says so.
The roots that have held me down are no longer,
because only through him can I be STRONGER.
With Jesus as my new foundation,
I am no longer under condemnation.
With all of his promises and LOVE, I will RISE ABOVE.
I will hold my head high, and look toward the sky.
A future with him and there is my HOPE.
I wanted to die, but now that is dead. I chose to live!
My fuel gauge for life is no longer in red.
He died for me to give me exactly what I need, eternal life.
He fills me up, my cup runneth over as I abide under his cover.
He gets me through to endur the death of my life.
With the armor of God and the strength I have been given,
I will continue living.
With all that is right, I have been given LIFE.
"Seeds of Sincerity" By James Burnette:
There grows a tree inside of me,
inside of you,and he and she:
void of all hypocrisy,
a truth that one can clearly see.
Often tough this life can be,
it's leaves offer shade from burning heat.
The branches spread so wonderfully,
to channel the ever cooling breeze.
The roots they run so very deep-
into the soil of honesty.
Its mystery not amiss to me,
so rich the ground in clarity.
A pillar of integrity,
of strength,of grace and morality
A symbol of true royalty,
a source of unity and loyalty.
A seed of fate spurned this decree:
a poem from one so dear to me.
The Word unites so powerfully
moving us towards our destiny.
Who planted this tree that set us free?
Something so good He can only be-
not probably but factually,
The Father of all Sincerity.
"FAMILY" by Joshua Williams
Family? what is that?
I ask myself that often,
if I had one, my heart would soften.
mine has left me out in this rain,
the downpour has only brought me pain.
I've lost all ties,
regardless of my countless tries.
I've cried a thousand tears,
to no avail they leave me here.
I've cried so much with no tears left
none to shed for them.
I've caused them pain I've caused them grief,
my absence probably a relief.
I was a heathen, I was a beast.
something they couldn't bear, something they couldn't defeat.
I pushed them back, I clawed them all.
they just watched me fall over the edge.
family? what is that?
something I lost years ago.
my life on hold while they gave up and moved on,
left here to remember that they are gone.
I can only imagine how they are now
hoping for the best
hoping I'm not always gonna be the pest.
family? what is that?
its love!!!!!! its what I miss.
its what I've lost, its what is gone.
family? what is that?
WHEN MY EYES CLOSE: By: Jamal Davis
When my eyes close, the magic really happens and my imagination begins to flow .... my mind, heart, and soul glows, when my eyes close .... I'm an African King with a very beautiful and gorgeous queen by my side .... Draped in precious golds and jewels, holding a spear and a shield, with a mighty African army behind me, my heart knows no fear .... Cheetahs, lions, and elephants roam the country side bringing life, noise, and companionship at various times .... A strong wind blows my soul across the golden Sahara desert ....
I sit in Italy dressed in a flawless 3-piece suit ... At my favorite bistro sipping a latte, moments later I grab my briefcase and exchange some kind words to the owner of the café ... I walk down a beautiful brick road, where I'm greeted by an older woman holding a single rose .... She hands it to me and smiles, I smile back, blushing, thinking to myself, if only everyone were as kind as that ....
The sweet rhythmic sounds of trumpets and drums fill the air, a band entertains the crowd as the aroma of spicy Cajun food fills the New Orleans air ... Later that night I wipe a bead of sweat from my face as I'm on the dance floor, grooving, at this amazing jazz place .... The sweetest smile acorns her face, my hands wrapped very closely around her waist, magic fills the air as we dance the night away ....
Wow, when my eyes close ....my imagination truly begins to flow .... Mind, body, heart, and soul glows ... When my eyes close.
the end.
"The Ultimate Cost"
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son...
here I sit a sinner, but I'm not the only one.
I'm speaking for each of us, all of us under the sun...
let's confess our sins, and repent the wrongs we've done.
Jesus is our advocate, our defense when we break Gods laws...
he sacrificed his life for us, His perfection to protect our flaws.
Like the footprints in the sand, He carries us when we're lost... we owe a debt to our advocate, for He paid The Ultimate Cost.
By: DERICK ASHER "2022"
My Confession
Father forgive me for I have sinned.
I'm beyond ready for my nightmare to end.
I'm over the lying and so sick of crying.
Where do I start? Just begin from the heart.
No longer giving into myself, but the one who gave himself.
I've held every other god higher than you, the only real GOD.
I've used your name in vain, with nothing to gain.
I've failed to worship you and keep your day holy.
So many years of acting disobedient and ungrateful, to the only mother who gave her all.
Wishing death on others and even feeling responsible for a life lost.
With my thoughts and actions never realizing the cost.
Thoughts of hatred, resentment, jealousy, and judgement.
Now understanding I was only judging myself.
I've committed adultery not physically but mentally.
I've stolen and lied about things that were not mine.
Coveted many people and things.
Chose the things of the world over true riches.
Abused myself and others, never really loving my brother.
I get down on my knees for a second chance, just asking for another.
FATHER, PLEASE forgive me for all I have done against you!
My good and ever loving GOD, you deserve all my love.
I confess all my sins to you the Father God Almighty, asking for your grace to overcome all my weakness of sin.
I long for the day to see your face and receive all your grace!
Father PLEASE forgive me for I have sinned!
Better Man
I'm standing in the shoes of the man that was here before me, flipping through the pages of an old book he thought was boring, I feel torn and conflicted because I'm compelled but not convinced that, I could ever be a better man... Understand I pray to receive and because I believe, but in the eyes of the church I was evilly conceived, but you receive through belief and hope to achieve better understanding, yet I'm lost without understanding, and that's just where I stand... Reprimanded by a sturdy hand that may or may not be swayed, strain my eyes through fog and shadows is it worth the dues I've paid??? Am I naive to seek a clean slate, or should I feel betrayed and hold a grudge with fate, if that's the case then its to late to be a better man... Hold my hand I'll shield you through hard times, sacrifice myself in hopes to see you smile, I don't ever want to see you cry, or ever wave goodbye to your loved ones, because your one of the few I've loved, once the ash settles, we unmask, no more clashing to settle scores, I won't ever let you forget that your beautiful, and that's why I want to be a better man... I think of you when I'm writing music, I think of you when I'm going through it, I can taste you in the air I breath, your my glimpse of beautiful in everything I see, I see therefore I seek hope to achieve and be a better man...
'TELL THE DEVIL IM SAVED''
It seems like every single second of every single day
I find myself wondering what it is that led me astray.
Or why God took away my family but he left me to stay.
Could it be that ive been cursed since birth then show me the way.
This is not what i want i feel like im stuck in a play.
With the Devil pulling my strings im like one of his demons on stage.
Lost soul in a world ill call it satons maze.
Father please save me, help me escape.
Free me from this prison, protect me from the crime scene tape
forgive me for my sins, teach me love not hate.
Lord give me hope, guideance and faith
help me to get somewhere instead of running in place
Shine your light down upon me, remember my face
teach me to do right, bless me with your Heavenly grace
Lift this curse Lord, please keep me safe
last but not least, Tell The Devil Im Saved.
The Beggar
Cameron Johnson
I am the Beggar,
that is my name.
This is my life,
that was my shame.
My name is Beggar,
I live on the streets.
I dwell near your work,
I've accomplished no feats.
You pass me everyday, but you do not notice,
Your ears are open, but you do not to hear,
my cries for help,
nor my begging peer.
I beg not for coin,
I beg not for food.
I beg only for help,
against my somber mood.
Years now have passed,
My name is now Voice.
My life has been hell,
I was given few choice.
I once was the Beggar,
brought low and small.
Until one day He told me,
to rise and be tall.
He told me I'm special,
in my own little way.
He told me to stand,
before He started to say:
"I am Light, I am Love,
I am your friend, from up above.
I have a plan for you, down there in the dirt,
to help those like you, they who also hurt.
Your pleas have been heard,
your tears can now dry.
I have tested you through hell,
and here is the reason why.
To help someone truly,
you must first understand,
the life they have lived,
lived by thine own hand.
Now that you know,
the life that they live,
a voice you now possess,
It is my plan that you give.
The life you have lived,
your words unspoken.
I give to you now,
a voice unbroken"
My name is no longer Beggar,
I have made my choice.
I will be heard for the silent,
My name is Voice.
HIS GIFT OF FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is a Blessing from our Father up above
it let's us live in peace and joy and wonders of His love
Forgiveness is His gift to us to save our very souls
if only we can learn from Him to let Him take control
Forgiveness brings us peace inside a comfort to our
hearts we know he made a way for us through Jesus
from the start Forgiveness from our Father His love
gives all the best He sent His beloved only Son
so we can all be Blessed
Forgiveness is our gift received that we must give away
For giving our Forgiveness we see our Fathers way
Forgiveness gives to us the peace to clear our clouded
minds to better see Gods wisdom and will let His light
in darkness shine
Forgiveness from our Father is what we truely need
we must give it to receive it just as farmers sow their
seed
Forgiveness is a special gift Our Father knows what's
best to cleanse our souls our hearts and minds
In His Forgiveness we are Blessed !
LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
BLAINE ELKINS
And behold I sat in a very dark place
filled with suffering misery and evil
and beside me I saw a light that shined down
from Heaven upon a part of the foundation of
this dreary place and this stone was dirty black
and pitted suitable to match its surroundings
I looked again and I saw the beauty of the light
that was golden shining into this darkness
and again I considered the ugly stone that did
not deserve such a radiant and glorious illumination
of golden beautiful light in such a dark and dreadful place
And in this I saw God's beautiful light shining down upon me
/this ugly stone/ in this dark and dreary place and that I was not
worthy of such an honor for the Creator to allow His light to shine
upon me in this place and I was humbled and thanked God for His
unconditional love grace and mercy and granting me the sight and
what I have beheld this day.
(Don't forget to pray)
JB
If I don't get to say I love you and sweet dreams,
I love you and sweet dreams don't forget to pray,
I apologize and wish I could look in your eyes,
and if I did right now then I'd probably cry,
unspoken words spoken and broken words,
and when the truth comes to light maybe that's what hurts...
(Verse1)
I'm the poster child of bad decisions, starved on the streets for weeks no provisions, had visions and premonitions exchanged shots for positions, grew distant stayed persistent, kept in touch with God but no commitment, had to leave my options open, made my share of confessions, not emotionally attached stayed strapped and in the open, no relationship's in the end hearts just get broken, so I've been searching my past and present times misinterpret my opposition I ain't gonna lie, when I was right I never broke stride, admitted when I was wrong still held my head high, we live and die by the same rules applied as tools to fix the wicked, free to speak I head crickets, time is ending soul searching recommended, reprimanded for my past but that's my past can't mend it...
(Verse2)
Every time I seem to take a chance it blows up in my face, if not but for the grace of God there's no surviving all I've faced, even when I try to apply logic, relax and chill sip gin no tonic, even though I make myself sick sometimes, it pains me to watch them cry, I try to begin again, I failed and began again, I fail like so many men and still can't depend on non of them, to stop my daughters tears from falling, or comfort her momma when I'm all in, my people I can call them but they only seem to love me when I'm ballin, I feel all alone but I must be here for a reason, hope my daughter get taught to pray if my only choice is leaving, ain't got the attention span to concentrate in church as they be preachin, love is warm the world is freezing stay strong and keep believing, strengthin me inside my heart and mind grand design recline and chill, decline the urge to retaliate, hate my alli and I realize that I was I'll, would kill to make them want for nothing, love deceptive expect that you can't trust them, go hard all or nothing we all desire something, ain't that something?
(Verse3)
Straight from the heart are my intentions though I try not to let them show, just the same as this message precious words I try to let them flow, I'm blessed by the best but I guess you already know, in this life my times ticking maybe inching yet I'm headed home, I got a long row to how found many holes that made me stumble, I'm sure I'll find many more I ask the Lord to keep me humble, sought the truth found trouble, can't see the storm coming but I can hear the distant rumble, all I can do is sit and wonder hope to see the horizon, so I can make amends heartbreak seen clearly in they eyes, and it spreads like a fire you try to put out the flames but they keep growing higher, condemns will consumes desire like Rome and its empire, inquired to find the facts perspired when fell of track stayed intact through the impact screamed I'm back though I'm traped and can't shake this feeling, deceived by the pitch black continue when given reason, blessed with more strength because my God that I believe in, purpose driven good since to catch myself if I start slippin, a way with women that needs to stop cause it ain't worth pretending, happy ending invest my everything 100% of me survived through prayer and meditation stayed one step ahead of the enemy, I pray until my knees of stone bleed or these callused hands gently, touch my wife and cradle my child kiss em on the brow when they fall asleep, take a peak in every hour when I'm restless watch em sleep and be at peace stop living reckless...
"Quarantined on the Inside"
An Inmate's Personal Account of the COVID-19 Pandemic at the ISCC
by Mike Hodge
Suffocating...
I can't breathe! Walls closing in around me, impersonal, cold. I scream, "HELP!" No one hears. No one cares. Why should they? Human I am not. Caged up, thick steel door slamming in my face, pleas echoing, unheard by my keepers. Detached. Aloof to all of my pain. Even animals, captured and imprisoned, get sunlight. Space to move, fresh air, a sympathetic glance from a passerby. I'm invisible.
Weeks confined. No recreation. No visits. No chaplain to ease my wary soul. Stale air, feeble rays of sunshine warming up a narrow window, fingertips pressing upon it, feeling freedom lost, my only contact with the outdoors. The glass darkens, the sun sets. One day seems like a thousand sun sets. Another day of hopelessness passes. Is there any hope at all?
Restless night, tossing, turning, ineffable horrors invading my sleep. Dawn breaks. Early in the morning, I mourn. No hot breakfast. One meager pop tart, a box of raisens, and some crackers to tease my growling stomach. A guard finally releases me from the eight by twelve foot box. "Fifteen minutes!" he shouts. It's been four days since I last showered, and such little time to wash my dirty sorrows away. The soot of my black coal heart building up, festering, choking my dying humanity. The water barely turning warm, soap in tenuous lather, eyes closed, wishing I could wash down the drain to another place, another dimension, an alternate universe at the other end. Dreams of a new life slowly dripping down from my head, off my body, happiness following. Fifteen minutes seem like fifteen seconds. "Times up!" Cell up!" reverberates from the intercom, demanding, and disgruntled like the voice hiding behind the curtain of Oz. My eyes wide open, gone nowhere. I still feel unclean!
Steel door thunders behind me. An unsympathetic sound becoming more familiar than my own voice. I have no voice, lost and meaningless. Back to lie on my two inch thick mattress, staring at the ceiling, ceiling staring back. My only hope for a friend. My terrorizing thoughts bouncing back and forth off the walls, endlessly harassing me. I'm desperately hungry for company. Is anyone there?
What about the guy below me? Is he ever really here? I look down at him, his eyes distant, forgotten in a comatose abyss. The handful of pills he swallows multiple times a day, his only escape. I say something to him, no reply, unmoved. Did he not hear me? I go back to staring at the ceiling, and unexpectedly, he speaks, but it's a language that's foreign to me. A loud tumble resonates from below. Crash, bang, on the concrete floor, he jolts and shakes about. What could this maddening fit be? Has the microbial monster, I've been hearing so much about, deadly, fierce, found another host, unleashing it's wrath? I must help this man, but how? If this invisible predator is ravaging him, surely, I'll be next!
I push a button on the wall, and from a speaker a contentious voice barks, "What do you want?" "Call medical. My cellmate's flopping on the floor," I reply, frozen and immobile. Is my humanity completely lost? His head starts knocking on the concrete, beckoning the underworld, no one answering. I see a gash over his left brow, blood dripping, painting his face. My paralysis is finally broken. I move, grabbing a pillow to cushion his head from more bludgeoning attacks. Cradling him, I absorb the shockwaves, and cry, "Don't die. Please stop." Medical belated, his tremors eventually ceasing, oblivious to spacetime, but alive. "Thank God!" I cry.
Kneeling, I embrace the six foot two, fifty-two year old man. His slobber blanketing my arms, my hands. I hold him more tightly. Medical personnel arrive, a light shines into his eyes, their heads shake, lift him onto a stretcher, and he's gone. A nurse approaches me weary, sad, forcing a smile that looks more like a frown, and pronounces, "Seizure, haven't given him his meds yet. Short staffed. Make sure you clean yourself up!" "If he just had a seizure that must mean it wasn't the virus that did it to him, so I should be fine, right?" I ask her, desperate, and confused. She shrugs her shoulders, her only reply.
Hurriedly, I remove my clothes, begging a guard for another shower. "What if I get infected?" I plead. Laughing, he sarcastically replies, "You already took one, deal with it!" What can I do? From out of a small porcelain sink, I finish sanitizing the last inch of my skin with a cheap bar of soap. Drying off, I become more despondent and numb. Standing at the door in nothing but my boxers, I look through the window and notice another cell has a bright red sign taped to it, reading, "Quarantine."
Frigid air whistles a melancholic tune from the vent in the wall. I turn my head to the television that's hanging in the day room, and there's breaking news. A CNN special report moves across the bottom of the screen: The U.S. has surpassed 150,000 deaths and rising daily. Several states have reissued a mandatory lock down order, and some cities are now enforcing the six foot social distancing rule, punishable by a misdemeanor, if violated. Emergency rooms in Florida have reached their limits...
Clips of buildings burning, looters pillaging, violence strickening the streets, peaceful protestors exercising their civil rights, and Black Lives Matter activists pleading for justice, long overdue, flash on the screen.Uncertainty, when we need answers most chaos, during a time that calls for order division when togetherness is our only solution. World turned upside down, kids suffering most, normalcy fading with yesterday, government failing us again, an American flag burns!
"I wish things will hurry up and go back to the way they were!" someone being interviewed says, hands interlocked, head down, prostrating to God. Where is God? I turn my attention from the news to the tier and all I see are broken souls, emanating from my peers' eyes, staring out from behind their cell doors, abandoned, confused. They are mirrors to me, reflecting my deepest sorrows, believing the lies that life has nothing more to offer, but razor wire fences. My image distorting, I look no more.
Walking away, I step into a puddle of blood, almost coagulated, embodying what was once life, obstinately shrinking into death. Since there are no cleaning rags to use, I extract a dirty sock from my laundry bag, and with it, begin absorbing the remnants of my cellmate's thickening crimson tears. Some of it smears into the concrete, forming caricatures, laughing, mocking faces, growing smaller, and smaller, until they're gone, and another piece of me goes too. I stand up, sigh, flush the sock down the toilet, noticing shadows forming silhouettes on the walls, devilishly dancing into dusk.The minute hand on the clock starts moving backwards, teasing me. Does your brain play tricks on you, morphing images into living things when you're completely alone?
I return to my two inch thick mattress wondering if this nightmare will ever end, and if my sanity can drift any farther out to sea like a boat floating on thoughtless tides. I patiently wait for the next cold meal. Unexpectedly, a key forces into iron locked jaws, startling me out of entrancement. The door swings open, a cordless phone is given to me for the first time in weeks, and I'm told, "You have twenty minutes." Uncontrollable heart beating, mind spinning out of control, speeding down a runaway track. "Whom should I call?" I ask myself. Having the opportunity to intimate with someone other than the imagined entities of loneliness, enlivens, but stifles me.
"Hmm," I say out loud, "it's a long shot, but..." I dial a number, phone ringing past eternity, no one answering, still ringing, about to give up, but right before I do, call accepted, and a sweet, melodious five year old voice serenades me, singing, "Hello, uncle Mike! I'm eating fish sticks tonight. My friend is eating with us. She's ten and really pretty." "You're really pretty!" I return, floating on laughing rainbows rising up to heaven. We talk like we've never talked before, and for the first time since my niece was born, I glimpse into her gentle heart. A heart of pure radiance, interwoven with bright constellations, begins leading this wayward vagabond home. But before I reach the safe refuge, I notice a guard standing at my bunk, a contemptuous look crossing his face. He reaches out for the phone, and without even getting the chance to tell my niece goodbye, he rudely says, "Times up." Resisting my pent up anger, I comply, calmly handing it to him instead of throwing it against the wall. The guard departs, rainbows dissipate, and after years of damming up my pain, the floodgates open, and I cry teardrops of failed yesterdays. I briefly pace my cage to deal with my sorrow, then escape in a book for an hour, transcending this twisted wonderland to a more promising place.
My cellmate returns from the hospital, forehead kissed with stitches, medicated and frail. I approach him, breaking through the walls of my insecurities, putting aside my false pride, and as much warmth as I can gather in this ice cold place, give him a hug. He tells me that the doctor said he'll be fine, and thanks for the hug. It's the only one he's had in five years. He sits on the bunk, head down, shoulders slumping, a gloomy cloud forming over his head. "If the doctor said you'll be fine, what's wrong?" I inquire, sitting next to him, concerned, and shockingly open. "On the way to the hospital a guard informed me that an inmate just died from COVID-19. I knew him. I'm scared I'll be next," he answers, body quivering, "and it's been over a month, and we haven't been tested!"
The only thing I can possibly do to console him, for words tend to be hollow in the face of loss, is to be compassionate and listen. After a short while of him shedding his soul, tearing down walls, sharing triumphs and failures, an unexpected camaraderie forms. I then smitten him with the story of my beautiful niece, fill his stomach up with commissary treats, and end the conversation with good nights, and laughter. Lethargy from a long day consumes him, and he immediately falls asleep. I wish him into dreamworlds full of magic, and beautiful princesses, and I'm all alone once more.
Past midnight, I begin drifting off, and instead of dwelling on everything in my life that's bad, I redirect my mindset to all of it's beautiful blessings. I'm still alive, my family loves me, and eventhough, I'm in a very dark place, I continually witness men rising above their bleak circumstances to perform miracles of kindness, amidst consuming adversity. My eyes finally close on another day, etching itself into the cosmos past, moving forward to a future unfolding new starlit beginnings, and spawning a renewed hope that if a five year old girl can bring magical enchantment to a disillusioned world, than so can I.
And as my eyes are shut with the fingertips of an angel, I think to myself, "Perhaps, God's been with me all along!"
I embrace you, my dear reader, not with loving arms, but with heartfelt words. May they inspire you to spread that much needed love wherever you are, and on whatever road you're traveling. It doesn't matter who you are, or where you've been, stranger, friend, prisoner, or free. We're all just human, yearning for love, striving for connectedness, searching for meaning. Today, even as we face scary, unprecedented times, I believe we can find true fulfillment by acknowledging someone else's pain, reaching out with compassion and understanding, and giving them the priceless gift of love.
By Michael Hodge.
Our Fire
By Jeffrey Hayden
Opaqueness with everyone!
Thunder
by Jonathon Jones
'Not Your Ordinary Joe'
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| Art by Jason |
Essay On Leadership. By Steven Wright
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| Art by Jeffery. |
